The Terrible Horrible Story of the Devil Chicken

Based on a true story.

Part 1

Me and Hero were harmlessly playing games on his Vintage Egg ][ Computer, placed precariously on a series of three shelves that were inhabited by the pink creatures we know as BedPooper and Janice. I glanced up into my accomplice's attic, to see naught but a lonely chick.
"OHMAHGOD, GET IT DOWN FROM THERE!" I typed into the computer. He shoved me off of the shelf, and when I finally clambered back up to the summit of the shelves, only to find the reply "No, he's evil."

I pondered this knowledge. I decided he was pulling my tail. I stood up on my tippy-claws and reached my hotdog-covered harm through his ceiling and into his attic, latching my grimy little mitts over the fluffy creature. When I had extracted both it and my arm, I proceeded to place the chick on the shelf in front of me. As Janice approached, I vehemently shooed her away from the delicate yellow blob cheeping in front of me.
"HEY HERO," I shouted. "I GOT TEH CHICKY FOR YOU, COME PLAY WITH IT."
Harnessing the almighty power of spinach, he flew up to the shelf housing me and the chick. He looked upon the little thing with horror, and kicked it across the house.
"Hey," I whined. "What was that for?"
"That chick is evil." All of a sudden, the chick was whisked back up into the attic, and sat there in it's original position. I waited for Hero to go back to the garden to play with the demonic bubble tree we had created earlier.

When I was sure he was occupied, I reached back into the attic and pulled the chick back out. I whipped some grain out of one of the sixteen large bags strapped around my belt, and waved it tanatalizingly in front of the juvenile yellow varmint. It snapped the grain out of my hand and instantly grew to a large white monstrosity.
"Uh, Hero? Come look at this."
"I told you not to--SWEET BABY LEM, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!?" He immediately flew off of the shelf and ran away as swiftly as possible. I remained on the shelf and looked at the innocent flying animal. It dove from it's high position and drove it's beak into my bun.
"Hero, HERO, Help me! He's attacking me!" I dove off of the shelf and sought out Hero. I looked around the vast labyrinth he calls a home and spotted a glimmer of shining hair. I limp-ran towards it as fast as I could. I tripped and fell behind a counter, I had lost him. As I lie there, with ketchup spilling on the wood floor all around me, I heard the faint sound of avian and glitchian warfare: Squawking. A loud "AHHHHHHHHHH, HE'S GOT ME! DINO, HE'S GOT ME!" Rang all throughout the house.
And with that, the sounds ceased.

Part 2


I peered around the counter I had taken refuge behind. There was no sign of the chicken, save for a gravestone, engraved with a symbol resembling a shovel at the top. I darted the stone, and read the inscription. "Here lies HeroUnderThePine, brutally murdered by the Devil Chicken." I glanced at the floorboards, wondering who had buried him, and how.
With a shrug, I meandered around his house, picking up odd trinkets and smashing them on the floor. I came across a walloping big jewel, and shoved it in my mouth. It had a taste akin to Flummery. Odd.

I decided that meandering was beginning to bore me. I set out to find the creature that had caused my friend's death. He was my friend, after all.
I checked all the places I could find; cupboards, shelves, cabinets, even the attic. The poultry punk was nowhere to be found.
All of a sudden, two very extraordinary things happened.
The first was a sudden feeling in my head, as if someone had decided to shove a railroad spike through my ear. "I AM THE FATHER OF THE DEVIL CHICKEN. I HAVE TAKEN POSSESSION OF YOUR FRIEND. HE IS NOW GATHERING THE MATERIALS NECESSARY TO DEFEAT THE MONSTER YOU HAVE BROUGHT TO YOUR LAND."

Immediately after, the chicken popped out of the floor in front of me with a flap and a squawk. It was holding a deck of cards in it's left wing. It dealt us each seven cards and set the rest in a nice pile in- between us. "Got any five's?" I asked. "Bahgobblebegibblerobblebobble, fish," was it's reply. We went back and forth like this for about an hour.

Just as I had managed to complete my first set of four cards, the voice came back into my miniature mind. "YOUR FRIEND IS RETURNING, PREPARE YOURSELF TO DESTROY THE FEATHERY MENACE."
Hero appeared in a mighty flash of lights a few feet in front of me. I threw down my cards and scowled. "Aww, come on! I just took the lead, and you have to come in here and ruin the whole game."
With no words, Hero walked up behind the unaware avian, a pile of tomatoes tucked under his arm. With a mighty "BEGONE, DEMON! REVENGEEEEE!" He dropped the tomatoes on the poor creature. Time seemed to slow down as each successive scarlet fruit slammed into the bird in multiple places, rocking it's entire body.
As the last tomato fell, Hero took a step back, and punted the chicken at the wall with such force that it flew straight through and into the outside world.
We never saw the chicken again.

*bow*
-Dino

   

What is this, you ask?

Me and my Glitchy friend HeroUnderThePine like to roleplay.
So, I will put the storied versions of our adventures here, for safe keeping, and so the masses may enjoy them.
*Bow*
-Dino